NikkiB's new thread, new life

[NikB]

Hey Stilltryin - thanks for your post on my other thread. I was really surprised to see it, thought that one was locked up!! It is now though.

I wanted to quote a couple things to respond to them and also throw them out there for any other comments.

If he throws a tantrum about the money, you can just tell him "When I married you, I gave you my life, my time, and my money for the rest of my life. I did not marry you with the expectation that you would change your mind. But since that is the direction you may be headed, I deserve to be taken care of fairly. Just because I do not make the dollar amount that you make, does not mean I deserve less than you. ".

This stuck in my head all night! I think you're absolutely right. I'm going to work on this - exactly what I want to say, and practice saying it calmly (that will be the hard part). Anyone else have other thoughts on the wording? I may wait to say it in MC too.. even if I'm calm I know he'll get defensive and I want to have some backup.

I thought of a few other things about this:

- If when we bought the house he honestly wanted it to be his with me as a roommate, he should've done it that way. We shouldn't have bought it together. I NEVER pressured him to put me on the title or the mortgage.

- I'm sorry, truly sorry, that he regrets marrying me. But that's a major decision and you can't just take it back. I've dedicated 5+ years of my life to this marriage. Sure not all of them were great and I did some things wrong, but if he didn't want to marry me he shouldn't have.

Have you called a lawyer just to see what you could expect to get if you did D? I had talked to one and he said that anything after the marriage is all 50/50.

Not sure if you've found this thread yet - I haven't consulted one yet, but I will be setting something up through my work next week. I get a free hour or two consult, time to use it!

I really really think that if you can just struggle thru all this, sometime next year you guys will be back together starting a whole new R. Remember that you haven't been at this too long, and you still have plenty of time to show him who you really are. The Juli that loves herself, has fun, flirts with her H, respects her H, and respects herself.

I agree... at least I hope so. The struggle is sure hard though.

Quick note, I think you may have me mixed up with Lostjulie - we post a lot on each others' threads. Becoming Julie would definitely be a 180 for me!!

When this is all over, you will have so much to give to others. You will be proud of the experience your going thru, because it is making you such a strong woman and you are learning to love yourself thru it.

You know, you're right. The learning to love myself will be huge, absolutely huge, no matter what else happens. It's funny, my mom is really focusing on that too - she said she hopes I do better than she or my grandma ever did. I told her it's not too late, she's only 60.