She left, came back, still loves OM, what do I do

[kirby]

J,
Thanks for taking the time, and good to hear things are going well for you.

Enough about you,back to me and my problems
I just posted a whining post, I won't put all that here again. But to answer some of your questions in your post...

Why do I think she came back? Honestly, I still believe she loves me a little. More realistically, because she felt guilty about leaving the kids. That's the only reason really. I shouldn't hope for anything else.

Since MC didn't get an answer on what needs the OM met, he asked what she imagined a good relationship to be like. She imagined them discussing their carreers at the end of the day (sharing hopes for future I guess). I think she was saying that both in the R would be optimistic, supportive (like in the first 2 yeasr of M maybe). She didn't say much more. I had been in depressing jobs for years (not as bad as I probably made it sound at home, but not fun jobs). Now I'm in a job that I think I can be happy in, and successful (especially if I wasn't preoccupied with this mess). So the irony is, my W and I were on the verge of a bright future. She will get her PhD soon, probably a great job, I've started a good job, the kids are old enough now that we can go out and spend time together. We could be that couple she imagined when answering the MC's question. As for being hurt - I wouldn't mind if it were part of a discussion and we were working through the issues.

How do I meet those needs now when; 1. she doesn't want to talk or plan the future 2. she's never been a talker, or shared her feeling verbally 3. she feels it's too late?

So, J, I'll be kind, attentive and loving. I'll be patient and keep my sadness and feelings of hopelessness from her. I'll focus on myself and GAL. I plan on reviewing and thinking about what I've done wrong in the M/R, although I don't think she can or would notice when I change those things. There is not much of a R for me to show her new behaior in. But it will be usefull for me in the long run anyway.

again, good luck to you and I hope you do join the Div Busted group soon. And thanks for the support.