kirby, I've read your sitch from the beginning because the title caught my eye. Like other sitches, ours have some similarity. One thing different though is my W never left. She did end her R with OM for a week or two, I forgot exactly how long, but in the end they started communicating again, up to now.
I still get jealous and think about what they are talking about once in a while but once you learn to let go of that you'll feel better about working on the stuff that needs attention like yourself and your kids. I am not as jealous, angry, and hateful as I was during the first few weeks/months of me finding out. The last time my W initiated a talk about her R with OM, I told her that the first time the bomb dropped, I took the full blame why this A happened, but now that she decided she wants to still communicate with OM, that's it is all about her now. I'm doing my part in this M and I'm not going to rub it in her face.
Ok, I'm deviating from my initial thoughts. Once you learn not to dwell on the OM, you'll be just fine. It (the changes) will look more genuine (not that's it's not) in your W's eyes once you get over thinking about the OM. He will still creep up in your head but it's up to you to shake OM loose.
