She left, came back, still loves OM, what do I do

[kirby]

and overly dramatic. As I've put in my earlier posts today and yesterday, I think, I have been working from home and it's been hard on me, maybe on her too.

She seems to be hidding her phone, purse, and day planner from me. I keep wanting to snoop.

I know that if she wanted to talk to the OM, she could easily without me knowing. But if I checked her phone, and there were no calls to or from him, then maybe I could rest a little easier.

But if there were calls from him, what would I do? Confront her? Let it eat me up inside? I think it's better not to know, and it's taking the high road.

To keep my emotions and urges in check, I'm telling myself I won't snoop until after christmas. I don't want to sabotage what could be a good time. But I don't know if I'm strong enough. If given the chance, which she seems determined not to give me, I think I'll weaken and snoop.

I've been re-reading he advise TL and GH and others have given me, especially about jealousy and the OM. The point is, I think, I can't control her. If I try, I'll push her away. It will only make me feel bad. I need to focus on myself and not worry about the A. Our M problems aren't really about the OM anyway, or the A. (but I want the OM gone for good so that we can really work on our M, and she can decide she wants to work on the M).

I won't snoop. I'll keep working on me. I'll take the high road. I'll detach, finding my happiness inside myself, instead of through her.

'Cause it's gonna be a good Christmas. We are going to have fun, it'll be positive, unemotional, good time.

Thanks for listening, have a jolly, joyous, merry, happy holiday.