She left, came back, still loves OM, what do I do

[kirby]

Yes, I'm disturbed.
I do have flaws. I am having a hard time dealing with them. GH hit upon a big one for me; I pretty much always try to accommodate or please my W, which means checking with her on almost everything. To her, it seems that it is on everything. To her it seems that she is in charge of my life and happiness.

Also, I talk way to much, analyze too much, and won't let things drop.

And... yes I am needy.

And... I'm starting to suspect I've engaged in mind reading, expectations, maybe even some passive aggressive/ controlling behavior.

And... I'm impatient, selfish, and not listening, not even too myself.

I'm starting to see I've got a bit of work to do. Much of it won't be readily noticeable by my W, but that's not the point. These are things I need to change regardless. First, I need to be aware of them, then I need to take ownership of them. Then correct and change them. Or, start changing and see if that doesn’t fix the underlying problem.

I had my “Ah Ha” moment a few days ago, where I could see, at least partially, how I had contributed to the M/R problems. Then it wore off. I really hope I don't need it beaten into my head too many times, and if I do, I hope it's by you all here instead of my W.

I've been re-reading the advice everyone has given me. TL told me, like you did J, that small changes add up. I'll have faith that what seems small can amount to something important. But, even if it doesn't, a small improvement isn't so bad either.

J - I've tried finding your most recent posts to see how you are doing. I’m found lot’s of advice you were giving out, but I didn’t find your posts. Can you point me in the right direction? I hope you and yours are doing well.

Working at home, snowed in, almost drove me crazy. Being so close to her all day, and not talking to her, was hard. I started wondering what she was doing all day in the basement. Was she emailing the OM? Was she talking to him on the phone? When she came up not wearing her wedding ring, I thought she was trying to tell me something.

Today, I braved the roads and came into the office. It’s helping me detach and get some distance, figuratively and literally. I’m still jealous and worried, but I think I’m keeping it under control. I’m concentrating on having a pleasant Christmas trip to her parents house. I’ll focus on making that as positive as possible, with no emotion, no expectations, no R talk, just have fun. I think I’ll have time to think about me, my faults, what I need to work on.

Thanks