Remember, anger is not something anyone or anything can MAKE you feel. Anger is not about what someone does to you, it's about what YOU feel about what they do and you can control that.
So, learn to express when things bother you if you really need to, otherwise, learn to actually control your anger instead of stifling it. It's not really an issue of expression or not, it's an issue of whether it's there at all. Anger: For instance, I never show anger. Is this a good time to try to show anger?
Well, this is good, but not really if what you mean is you don't GET angry at the time something bothers you yet a month from now you explode because you held it in. You don't have to get angry but learning to express your negative feelings about something in a constructive way would be good.
Don't make the same mistakes I make. I have handled anger like this all my life by holding it in and then exploding. Grasshopper is right on this one. If you must express anger, do so in a loving way, not a condemning way. Instead of saying to your W, "you do this and that and you start attacking her" its better to say it in a calm way and not express it at the time you get angry or it will come out all wrong. STOP AND THINK FIRST. WALK AWAY WHEN YOU START TO FEEL ANGRY. DO SOMETHING PHYSICAL TO RELEASE THE ANGER BE IT GOIN FOR A WALK OR RUN, EXERCISE, WHAT EVER IT TAKES.
BY THE TIME YOU ARE READY TO ADDRESS IT, USE THE "I" STATEMENTS. IN OTHER WORDS, IF YOU STILL FIND IT UPSETTING, STAY CALM, DO NOT RAIES YOUR VOICE AND APPROACH YOUR W AND SAY; "I FELT HURT WHEN YOU SAID SUCH AND SUCH OR DID SUCH AND SUCH, ETC. HOWEVER, I THINK AT THIS STAGE OF THE GAME, IF YOU ARE TRYING TO SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE AND YOUR PARTNER IS NOT, SAY NOTHING!!! DON'T LET THINGS SHE SAYS OR DOES UPSETS YOU. REMEMBER, SHE IS FEELING HURT AND PAIN. WHAT I AM SAYING IS IF YOUR MARRIAGE DOES WORK OUT AND GETS YOU ON THE SAME PAGE, THEN IS THE TIME TO USE THE "I" STATEMENTS IN A LOVING AND CALM WAY. Right now, I am in the same boat as you are.Does anybody agree with what I said? Rocco
