She left, came back, still loves OM, what do I do

[25yearsmlc]

K,
Listen to TL. You are focussing solely on how to get what you want from your wife....consider that. In Chapman's book he says that "REAL LOVE IS NOT ABOUT GETTING WHAT YOU WANT FROM YOUR SPOUSE; IT'S ABOUT DOING WHAT MAKES THEM HAPPY & SUPPORTING THEIR GROWTH..."

What you are doing really is more needy than loving. And btw, what about your work on YOU?? Not just being quiet and listening more when she talks, but about your own flaws...

Just like the rest of us, You have plenty of work to do on YOU, regardless of what your W is going through...do it. Be a better man and do the things you know would help you do that. I mean, some issues on your end have been Identified as flaws to be addressed, but instead you veer away, and instead you focus on your W and what she is thinking/feeling/doing/saying/ going to do/say/think/feel, etc. You just have to stop that. You want to "DO" something? Do your work, on You....

As for your kids....reassure them of two things my mc said: first, reassure them that YOU will ALWAYS be there for them, no matter what else happens in life, or when, you will always be someone they can count on...and how loved they are, and that mommy's going thru something that has NOTHING to do with them, and is a rough patch. Second, if they ask what's going to happen, or seem worried about their interests, tell them that whatever happens, You will do what You believe will make THEM the happiest, THEIR best interests will dictate your course....My d9 seemed comforted greatly by this, AND it was what my DB coach suggested, fwiw.

Here is an issue I had, which you may face down the road. **If one of the kids talks or suggests YOU file/give up/ get a D, tell them you don't want that. Further, since your W is "the love of your life", and "you've loved eachother a long time," you are hanging in there some more....

Good luck, build memories this Christmas. That's it. Build on them and rack up the Daddy/Family/Friend points....After the holidays, you do your GAL work...is that a plan?
j-