She left, came back, still loves OM, what do I do

[toughlover]

Am I more impatient than others have been or are?

No, but IMO you're allowing your impatience to drive your behavior and feelings. This won't be better in a week or a month or two. It's a marathon not a sprint.

The process doesn't care if you're impatient. Your impatience can only hurt the process.

Think of it like this: You want to plant flowers. You find a good spot in your yard that gets the right amount of sun everyday. But there's a shed there so you spend a lot of time relocating the shed. Then you have to prepare the ground.

Does it make sense to cultivate soil, get the ph right, get the right nutrients in there, finally plant the seed, keep it moist...then as soon as a shoot appears, get upset that it isn't already a rose, yank it out of the ground, and start over somewhere else?

Nature doesn't care if you're impatient. The process is the same regardless of what you want it to be.

And lemme tell ya somethin'...allowing emotions and feelings to drive negative behavior is exactly what your wife did when she left and cheated. Just because, in your mind, your purpose and goal is more noble--and I agree that it is, ok?--that doesn't mean we get a free pass either.

For now I think you need to be sure you don't behave in a way that makes your wife regret being there. She MAY regret being there, but that needs to be because of her own problems and struggles, not because you're doing things that make it more difficult.

There's nothing wrong with talking when she wants to. Let her initiate it. Make sure she does most of the talking. Make sure you don't make it extra painful. It's already painful. You both know that.

Don't take this wrong. I think you're doing great and are on the right track.

It will never "feel" like you're doing enough so long as you're trying to win her back because she probably doesn't want to be won back right now.

Once you start doing what helps you be strong and independent, however, it will feel like plenty. And chances are good, though there are no guarantees, that she will notice as well.