She left, came back, still loves OM, what do I do

[kirby]

Good day,
The storm has closed the schools and kept me home from the office. I'm working from home. I'm sure that makes my W uncomfortable, but what can I do. She is in the basement, cleaning up her 'office' and bedroom. The kids are upstairs with me. We are doing OK, but the tension in my guts is growing. Things like this always remind me that she really doesn't like me any more. I keep thinking we are at least friends. Maybe we are, and there are just too many feelings/issues in the way, like guilt, anger, pain, whatever else she might be feeling.

Last evening, my W was fairly nice. Maybe she isn't as angry at me for calling her a bad mother (more or less). It still hurts when I hear the anger or disdain in her voice. But, overall, the evening went well.

I woke up this morning with a warm, accepting,loving feeling toward W. I thought this is the feeling I am striving for; detached but loving, caring but strong, not worried about what she is thinking (at least too much). It's hard to maintain that feeling though.

I've still got my own demons; jealousy, expectations, desire, etc.

So, I'm working from home, doing prety well. Hope you all are too. I don't like to be on here if she is watching. So later, if I get a chance, I'll start my next topic. I'm sure you all can hardly wait.