She left, came back, still loves OM, what do I do

[kirby]

My W and I had a R talk on Sunday. I dicussed it in yesterday's post I think. One thing that came out of it was I admitted that I was afraid that because she might leave again, i was afraid to let her take too much responsibility for the kids. She took it as meaning that I thought she was a bad mother. She was very upset and angry. Today she told me again how angry she was. I apologized again.

OK, so I know I shouldn't have said it. It was honest, and a very strong emotion, but I should have kept it in. I've apologized. I will again. Is this irrepairable? Did I really stick my foot in it?

But on the other hand, can't she see that a good mother doesn't abandon her kids? Can't she see that I have a reason to fear she might abandon us again? Can't she see that the right thing to do is to admit she made a huge mistake, at least as far as the kids are concerned, and then work to fix it?

I know, would I rather be happy or right. I think I'd rather be happy. But, maybe not. Maybe I don't want a women who actually can't see that what she did was wrong as the mother of my children. Maybe it's not worth putting up with this crap. Maybe, by saying I'm sorry and playing this game, I'm being dishonest to her and myself.

I know I may never get an apology from her. I can live with that, I think.

Someone, maybe grasshopper, asked if you knew that at the end of all the pain and effort you would have a fantastic M, would you do it. Yes I would. Too bad no one can garauntee the results.

So, help? Did I really mess up? Can I recover?