She left, came back, still loves OM, what do I do

[toughlover]

I am currently doing more of the housework, taking on the kids routine, lessons, etc., being pleasant, planning and cooking dinner, making sure not to do 2 annoying habits my wife pointed out to me, not snooping, planning occasional activities for W and me and for family, started some exercise... I'm not focusing on my job like I should (writing in here instead ). Luckily, my boss still thinks highly of me

All great stuff. If that's who you are now, and who you are going to be in the future, it will pay off. The problem is that as long as you are looking for it to pay off with your wife, that's a sign that you're just doing it for her. Gotta do it just for you, just cause it's right and feels right to you. It will take a long, Long, LONG time of doing that, but if it's real, at some point, it will simply become the new normal.

So what else can I do? What should I be doing?

You tell us.

However, I also want to impress my W

It sounds like you're doing all the right things. Look for opportunities to surprise her or just carry more of the load than her.

She says she doesn't feel like she's at home, has a place

Well, considering what's gone on, that seems reasonable. Sounds to me like the best thing you can do is give her the space to feel that way and work through it on her own. But in the meantime, make damn sure you're taking care of the place so that when she does want to feel home there again, it's a great place to be.

How can I act to help her feel at home?

Personally, I'm not sure there is much you can do to make her feel anything except keep taking care of business and do special things for her as long as she's receptive to it.

The most important stuff I did was eliminate the negative behavior.

Second most important was truly acting "as if". It seemed to set her free. At some point (and I'm not saying your W is there yet), WAS seem to want to know that the past won't be an anchor weighing the future down, wants to know it's possible to get a "do-over", for both of you.

Give her time and space, show her you're respectful, and that you're strong enough to handle yourself through this and take care of the family.

If you can avoid letting your pain and grief be a distraction for either of you, if you can just let it go (just decide that you're even and are starting over from scratch), you will be free to live the kind of life that's best for YOU.