All I meant was that in MY H's MLC, I have not had to deal with OP and if I did, it'd be much harder for me. But don't come up with an ultimatum and GH hit it all on the head with his post. And please stop diagnosing her....OMG, it does "sterilze" the most beautiful thing she thinks she's ever found/had. Avoid UNemotional things like that, okay? Be Mr. Sensitive.
Let me rephrase something someone else said also, Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy? B/C there are times in life when you cannot be both....it is a HUGE lesson to learn in this situation....HUGE LIFE LESSON....
My H was WRONG to leave me and the d's for a job in Alaska, no matter how much money he will someday earn, and he was wrong to make the decision alone, behind my back. Yes, I get that. I have done a lot of work on it and here is what I've learned. My H was "wrong"....BUT I want to stay M to him...!!
..So, where does that leave me? I can keep on beating my "rightness" into him, which accomplishes what????? Nothing but keeping us apart.
The only thing I feel the "right" and "need" to know, or FEEL, is that H gets that he hurt me/our M and doesn't want to do that again. How can he convince me of that? (I will let you know when I figure that out....)
I think it was Thomas Moore, in the "Dark Nights of the Soul" who said that we may be left in the lurch, by a long time companion we loved deeply, but the way we recover our sense of self is NOT by avoiding the blame for it, but by moving forward, thru it. The journey to self actualization is an INTERNAL journey....does this help you at all? We must focus on US and not on them. That is their job, if they wish to do it.
I only know I want to move forward in my life. I am 47 now, and even though I look younger, I'm in good shape, and men are attracted to me, that is all temporary.....looks will pass and frankly, I have to face the real possibility of being alone down the road. Guess what? I am okay with that, at least today.
And who knows? IF H is NOT the man for me, I don't want to spend the rest of my life facing that...and being treated in a way that feels inauthentic. By staying in a bad M, I lose the chance of ever having what I want and need. IF he is the man for me, as I hope, then I need to let him be that man without rubbing his face in his "wrongness" all the time. Any of this making sense? Hope so. Good luck, j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
