She left, came back, still loves OM, what do I do

[kirby]

I'm trying to follow the advice I'm getting, and overall think I'm doing a pretty good job. I believe there is a passage in the DB book that says if you mess up, don't be too hard on yourself and carry on. I've definitely messed up a few, probably more than a few, times, but if I have to pat myself on the back, and I guess I do, I have to say I’ve been pretty strong.

The one place I am probably messing up is that I’m still talking too much. I often plan to just talk about scheduling a C session, or the kids schedules, but then things come up about the R, and W seems to want to hear, and we talk. She tells me how she feels. She is brutally honest, which, despite the pain, I’m very thankful for.

This Sunday morning, we talked. It was painful, but good to feel close and some intimacy with her. In the past, I would ask for a hug at the end of the talk. She would ‘allow’ me a hug. I’m learning. This time I didn’t ask for a hug. I was willing to let it go. She came over and gave me what I think was a sincere hug. I didn’t hug back too hard, I released first (in my memory). I felt something really positive had happened.

After she left to go study with a friend (she is working on her PhD) I had to call people, and be with people to tell them how optimistic and happy I was. I’m glad I talked it out, and brought myself back to reality. I know I have to guard against having expectations. I know I have to GAL, make myself happy, take care of the kids and me, and not allow her reactions to influence my well being. But it’s hard not too.

Luckily, when she came back, there was enough of the anger and distance in her voice that it was easy to drop the expectations. I won’t expect bad results, but I’m trying not to be optimistic too.

I’m trying to take a long term view. I think 6 months at a time is reasonable. I’ll look for small, positive steps, and continue to work on myself. I’ve just read grasshopper’s first post. I sounded so much like my sitch that I was surprised. He discovered one of his problems that he had to work on, and I think it’s one I have too. Now I’ve got something to work on and think about.

It really helps to have a place to share thoughts, feelings, and to get advise and guidance. I'm glad I found this place.