She left, came back, still loves OM, what do I do

[25yearsmlc]

K,
You're getting great advice here. Take it. As for the "not believing what they say and only half of what they do," that applies to Mid Life Crisis people. MLCers are, in the DB world, like people who've been abducted by aliens....So, may not apply fully to your sitch.

Your W's A is diff in that it was a first love and so it was "pure" and original. IF she knew of your A first, then decided she'd been denying herself "real" love out of duty, while you had a fling/type A, then no way didn't she mind that you had an A. She must have resented her denying herself a "real" love and so, She just got a great excuse to act on it....I think she knew. ??

And as the men have told you, STOP telling her what you are doing. It may feel honest to you to tell her everything you are thinking about, and doing and why, but to me, as a woman, it would look and feel like manipulation. WHO CARES IF IT ISN'T that, if SHE thinks it is? What she thinks and feels is what matters, not who is "right", so, lose DB talking around her, or giving her the books, etc. And listen to these wonderful men who are giving you such great insights.

Good luck, you are in the right place but you must be much more patient. At some level, you were not meeting her needs, and if you think you were, then you are not really looking or listening or something. No way.

For the record, my H's mlc is turning better with a lot of progress the last 3 months. It has been almost 18 months total, so far. I'm getting into the "piecing it together again" section, which is good. It's all I can do for now. And that's MY timeline. So you have a reference point. I think it'll take a year of us together, seeing H's changes and mine, to feel safe again. Doesn't mean it sucks now, but doesn't feel totally safe yet either. And to my knowlege, no A either. That would delay a reconciliation for me, if it could even happen with that. Just me.

good luck,
j-