She left, came back, still loves OM, what do I do

[toughlover]

Does that mean you shouldn't believe them when they say the things you want to hear (except the one thing you want to hear,that they are in love with you again)?

No, it just means ignore the crap that is meant to provoke you, and don't get all over-inflated with expectation when they say something you like. You need to understand this that while it's important to truly listen when SHE truly wants to talk, and you need to truly listen when they make it clear when you're doing something to upset them, you need to base your actions on your own choice to be the kind of husband you want to be, not on her responses. She needs to see that you care enough to give her some space and breathing room but that you're still there taking care of business without letting her get you so down that you can't function positively.

My wife says many of the things I want to hear, and she acts with caring toward me.

And that's nice, and anytime they back up their words with actions, that's a positive sign. But the danger is in reading too much into that, inflating your expectations, because the next step is going to be severe disappointment which could make you respond badly. It's a good sign. Treat is as such, and move on.

She is honest and tells me she still loves the OM, and not me, but am I wrong for having hope based on her actions and words?

That's your choice. I personally think you're wanting to bark up the wrong tree, but there's nothing wrong with having a little hope, and that is some positive stuff, but the problem is that the temptation will be for you to start tying your well-being and hopefulness into how good or badly she treats you or responds to you, and that will get you into trouble.

You need to do what you need to do regardless of the immediate effects (or lack thereof) it has on her. I mean, she could still leave again. Women do that all the time. But you really hold all the cards, the key is in becoming the person you need to be and being strong through this. When she starts seeing you as respectful of her space, strong, and committed to doing what's right for you and your family, while recognizing her freedom to reject that, you have your best shot at looking better and better to her. But it has to be real, not just a trick.

Maybe I need a good slap of reality

You've come to the right place