She left, came back, still loves OM, what do I do

[kirby]

GH,
Thanks for the reply. Some of what you say, I knew from reading the book, but I need to be told again and again. All of it I think is useful.

I get the point. Don’t tell her about the book, the theory, what I’m doing. Let her see it. That seems a little dishonest, but I think I see your point.

Obviously, I am not, was not, meeting an important need of hers. If she doesn’t know what that need is, it makes it a little harder for me to figure it out. Our MT is helping. Also, if I concentrate on me and how I can improve myself for myself, maybe that will meet her need too.

She suspected my A before she left. She told me that’s one of the ways she knew she wasn’t ‘in love’ with me anymore, because she didn’t really care about the affair. When she was leaving, and I was begging, I told her I had ‘almost’ had an A. I told her that because I was explaining that I knew what it was like; the excitement and overwhelming desire, and that she should slow down and think before she left. Yeah, that argument worked well. By the way, in my mind, it was almost an A because when I realized that I was actually considering leaving my family for the OW, and what pain it would cause, I stopped the affair. I guess that’s a rather Clintonian view of As.

What do DBers mean by don’t believe or trust anything your S does or says?

Just having a place to share my story and to get advice is helping me be strong. I want to give back to this forum. I hope my story, and the responses, will help others in similar situations. The main point I’m getting from all of this is that you can only control and change yourself. Work on yourself. Let the rest take care of itself as much as possible. Am I right?