She left, came back, still loves OM, what do I do

[kirby]

I haven’t been on a bb before and I don’t feel I’m navigating in here very well, but I’m eager to get my story out there and to see if any of you can give me advise, encouragement, and insights.

My immediate story started 2 months ago. My W told me she loved me but was not ‘in love’ with me. She had met someone else, but had not physically met with him. It was her old HS first love who lived in another state. She said she couldn’t stand to stay at home and she was leaving to be with him. I more or less begged her to give me time, to go to counseling that I would change. She was resolved to leave.

She left a few days later. She told me that she had been miserable for about 8 years and that she had been thinking of leaving before her old flame contacted her.

The day before she left, my wife and I sat with the kids and told them mom was leaving. We told them that she would always be their mom and that we loved them and it wasn’t their fault. They took it better than I did.

I got on line, found DB, and was desperate to do something to save my M. I bought the DB book and started reading. I called soon after and made an appointment with a counselor.

For the next month, sent my wife a few emails concerning financial matters. She called the kids almost daily. I was amazed at how well I picked up the slack and ran the household and took care of the kids. By the 3rd week, I was starting to recover. Because she hadn’t communicated with me, and because I was afraid she would try to take the kids, especially after her mother told me she might, I contacted a lawyer.

I was in the lawyer’s office when my W called me. She asked if she could come back. I said yes, if she gave up the OM and agreed to work on the M/R.

So she was gone for a month. Now she has been back for a month. We have started counseling. Things are better than I think I have a right to hope for, but so very hard. She is still in love with the OM and trying to decide what she wants. I feel all my efforts are wasted until she decides. I know I have to be patient. I’m trying to work on myself and goals while I’m waiting. But it seems so hard and painful to be so close to her and so far apart.

Like most stories, there is much more to this, but I’m trying to keep it short.

Any comments? Any ideas? Do I have a chance?