Yeah, it's been a while. I check on you guys every once in a while, but I haven't been posting much over there.
I think this is a really relevant thing though because it's likely that if we even had the slightest propensity to build up a wall to defend ourselves before this trauma happened, the scar tissue will likely be far worse - and more damaging - to our relationships going forward.
“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ” – Albert Einstein
Quote: In your case, things ARE getting better and I think they will continue to do so.
You know what, things ARE getting better. Saturday night when I came home from work the kids were still up, so....I scooted them upstairs to bed. H and I hung out and had a few beers together. Then he said he was tired and went up to bed. At first I was a little pissed, but instead of reacting to my anger I quickly got over it. I went up after him and we ML !
That is my key to happiness; not reacting to my emotions and just going for it regardless of the outcome.
Continuing the Money discussion from yesterday on Grasshoppers thread;
How much does money/income tie into a man's self worth?
We currently are trying to dig ourselves out of a huge financial hole. I have gone back to work to help out but we still do not bring home enough to cover all of our bills, not to mention necessities. Since I handle the finances it is constantly on my mind as I worry about it all the time. Lately it seems whenever we talk it is about money and then my H gets in a mood (call it denial or anger) and has to hang up. The other day he won $1000 on a scratch off card, while that helps this month what about next month? By my talking about it all the time is this making him feel like a failure or is that what two equal partners who share a life together suppossed to do?
I am worried that this will cause him to resent me and find happiness (based in non-reality) with OW again.
I also handle the finances and get the pleasure of being on charge of paying the nice huge ccard debts H brought back.
I'm guessing there is no plan on how to handle your financial sitch so that' s why it comes up all the time. Make one, write stuff down, that way you won't feel like bringing it up over and over again. One way we are paying H's huge cc bills are we are transfering the balance to a 0 percent rate (and possible purchases) card for 12 mths, check online and you might even find one that wont' charge you a balance transfer (Discover has such offers) Of course the cards would have to be used only in emergencies, so not to augment the debt.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
As much as my H ran up some nice bills while with the OW, I had just got a court settlement so it hasn't put us in the poor house but, on the other hand, it pisses me off royaly that he used that money for her!! Thanks a whole bunch, if it was going to be squandered, at least we could have taken a holiday (something we have NEVER done in the whole time we've been married. Why? H was too stingy with money - go figure)
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
oh boy, dont' get me started Heywyre, w/the money H pissed off on his outing w/ow and other stuff he bought for her we' coud've gone to our dream vacation to Jamaica, w/the kids too!
BUT, it's best not to think about it, think happy thoughts (humming to myself now, thinking of kittens and rainbows)
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
There's not enough kittens and rainbows in the world to get my H out of the dog house. But, if he's REALLY nice to me, maybe I will let him into my world once in a while - lol
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
I occassionally have my doubts; it's hard to believe that my H has done such a 180. Sometimes I feel like he's too good to be true, ya know? Then I sometimes have thoughts of OW, since they still work together, but they don't come as often.
I really try to focus on the positives in my life and I try to keep my R with my H my #1 priority even above my kids (they are my #2 priority!) I have also come to realize that I am the only one that can make me truly happy, it is not fair to rely on others to do that for me.
!
