Are you real huggy and touchy with your husband? I used to be non-huggy, but have found myself just reaching out and hugging, touching my husband to get that "connection" need met. It's funny because I realized I had an easier time doing this with my children, but wasn't great about reaching out towards my husband because he's a non-huggy touchy person. Now I just do it to him regardless of how he feels. If he's tired of it he pushes me away. In the past I'd take that personal... he doesn't love me. But now I realize it's part of who he is and I don't take it personal.
But I do find that by hugging and touching him a lot he seems to do it more back (although not to the level I do!) and it does feel more connecting.
Interestingly, when I do it less now he'll ask if things are okay with me. I think now he expects more physical affection from me.
One more thing... this isn't needy pursuing affection. It's just confident, loving hugs and touches here and there when we're around each other (I am mostly the initiator. Hey, I'm just more confident!).
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
