Maybe that is my problem, I get let down everyday and it hurts. Maybe a little 180 is in order. Hmmm, maybe I just skip the underwear altogether and just get under the covers and snuggle up to H naked. (That is after I bring S5 back to his bed for the umpteenth time, lock the dog out of the room and throw the cat off the bed )
Ok, here goes comparing a man to a woman (um...) but if your H is anything like my W, then the constant implied, or even overt pressure to ML is a HUGE turn-off. The advice to "just go for it" is good for maybe one or two attempts but constant bugging someone to have $ex seems to be the wrong way to go.
My W recently told me that she just liked it when things "just happened" (as if) and she HATED it when she could feel the burden of my expectations, which according to her, almost every fiber of my being projected.
So, yes, I think you need to really try hard to lose your expectations that today will be the day, etc. I know it's frustrating, but I think if you were able to back off, WITHOUT resentment or blame (i.e. He's such an a$$ so fcuk him. I can't wait anymore so I will just give up) and somehow accept that it will just have to happen in it's/his own time frame, you'll be much more likely to "get it".
I know, I know, it goes against all the other advice to "go get it" but I think once you try that approach for awhile without success it starts to look like desperation and thus, not nearly as sexy as when you first started.
You have said that it's "almost" happened a couple times so keep being "available" for those moments, but maybe back off a bit.
Oh, and as for the 5 minutes alone...well, maybe you need to work REALLY hard on making more/better time. I know your life, with work, kids, crossed schedules, etc, makes it almost impossible but then again, at some point, if this is going to work long-term, you two have to figure out where your priorities lie. I know I am probably going to sound, well, just wrong, lacking compassion and ignorant here, but most, if not ALL the couples I know in my life who work opposite shifts, and center the rest of their lives around their kids are not doing too well. I would go farther and say that the men I know who CHOOSE to live like that do it because they don't want to be home for some reason.
I am NOT saying your H wants to be away from you NOW, but he certainly used to. At some point I think that maybe a move to another town where you can find different jobs, a babysitter, or be closer to family may help. It seems like SOME kind of more creative solution to your financial situation, you child care situation, etc, needs to be discussed so that the priority can shift from making everything else in your life work to making your marriage work because without the marriage, the rest of it will be all different anyway.
Just some thoughts. I hope I didn't offend, or somehow make light of your situation. I KNOW it's hard to make these things work. I know it's frustrating to be doing all you can do and then have someone suggest it's not enough. That's not what I am doing. I am just telling you (probably most frustrating of all) what you already know, and that is that if you BOTH are really in this for the long haul, then you BOTH have to start trying to figure out how to make this work.
I know you took your job as a GAL and to help out with the finances, and he used his job as a way to avoid you and be with "her". At some point, you both have to start WANTING to be with each other more and find a way to do that.
Maybe that's not today, or tomorrow, but you and I both know that at some point, that day will have to come.
Keep fighting Mama. I KNOW you can do this. You've been SO strong, and SO good through all this. Please, just keep trying. Your marriage is worth it, you know it is.
