Was wondering where you were friend. Happy to see you, and hear your good news. I'm so jealous! Even of the ATTEMPT to ML, that is still great. Get those buggers back in school, ha!
I hope your H drops the OW like a bad habit this time, ALL contact. That's the only way, and I'm so glad you set your boundaries. Go YOU.
Missed seeing you here, but so glad to see good progress.
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Is 43:18-19
If it seems slow in coming, wait. It's on its way. It will come right on time. Hab 2:3
MAMA.... I AM SO DAMN PROUD OF YOU... you sound so strong. Wow I feel the same way. It feels good and yet so strange. I feel really strong too,, I had a similar epiphany ( sp) for myself , I told my husband I either love you and fully trust you or leave , NO MORE INBETWEEN ,,,same as you basicaly Mama.
I have to give 100% of myself to make this love real and lasting and you know what now that I am not a" mess" either,,? I expect him to do the same.
It feels good doesnt it to let them know how you feel and know that they are with you not in front of you or dragging their feet behind you in agreement but really with you, beside you.
Life is good Mama,, make this year one of your best and the next and the next. You deserve this baby keep shining!!!!!
I am sooooooooooooo elated to read your last post keep being beautiful and strong mama!!!!!!!! I am ( again ) so damn proud of you honey you deserve this newfound strength and your H will surely take notice. ALL MY BEST. Take care of yourself, Ali..... God bless....
Glad you put your foot down on the ow, and glad to hear your H is trying to get close to you
As for the kids, yes, they are WAY too old to feel they have the power to come in whenever they want to.
Something tells me you are a softie; mama, you need to be more firm,the kids should never be able to be so disruptive. When my kids don't listen I use the rule of 3, I start counting up to 3 and if they dont' do what I've asked them by the time I reach 3 they get a good slap in the butt. I only had to do that once or twice but since then they know i mean business, I rarely ever reach 2 anymore before they scramble to do whatever I tell them to do.
I know it hurts you more than them, but you only have to do it once and trust me, they'll know you mean business the next time.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Yes, I remember you and I this time last year. [Lots of those "this time last year" thoughts--helps to see how far we have come].
You have come so far. Have been patient through so much. Have gotten so much stronger. You are amazing. Really, there have been PLENTY of times you have hit me with the compassion/patience bat and it really helped!
Just keep going, keep getting stronger, and your M will fall into place.
You know, I think a part of the slowness in their return is seeing how strong we have gotten, that we DO NOT need them.....this in contrast to them feeling badly about what they have done, something out of weakness.
Yaaaaaaaaa Mama! I too am so proud of you. All that talk of ultimatums and walking away still smacked of someone WAY too concerned about extrenal things. Your recents posts are those of a confident woman, secure in herself and her direction in life. Please, keep THOSE thoughts up!
Also, stick around, we are not all gone, just not posting as much. I doubt I will ever leave here for good no matter what twists and turns my own sitch takes.
Hi Mama, Just checking in, thinking of you! Great to see you building your confidence more and more. And, yes, do work on those boundaries with the kids - really important! For your M and also becaue if they don't have a strong sense that you mean business before they are teenagers, you will have a really tough time - all that phase is about is testing the limits! So make them now, structure structure structure is what they will need from you. And then, you will have what you need - time for you and your H! I am rooting for you Mama. It is going to be a great year for you!
PositivelyListening ************************************** When one door of happiness closes, another one opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us. - Helen Keller
I was busy and gone over the holidays (went out of town for some snowboarding! Yeeeah!!!!). Anyhow.... I think since your husband is with you and both of you are working towards a partnership (your marriage!) you have a right to know what's going on and where he mentally is.
Also, because affairs typically flourish with secrecy. Exposing that may help eliminate it. If I were in your shoes I would feel the same way.
By the way, about the red lacy underware.... just throw out anything that isn't completely sexy and ONLY wear sexy underware all the time no matter who sees it. Just wearing it for yourself will help you feel more attractive .
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
Hi ROOT, Glad you're back, sounds like you had a blast!
As far as sexy underwear, I do wear it everyday. I shave my legs everyday, dress well, etc. all in anticipation that today will be the day that we get 5 minutes alone together and ML.
Maybe that is my problem, I get let down everyday and it hurts. Maybe a little 180 is in order. Hmmm, maybe I just skip the underwear alltogether and just get under the covers and snuggle up to H naked. (That is after I bring S5 back to his bed for the umpteenth time, lock the dog out of the room and throw the cat off the bed )
Maybe that is my problem, I get let down everyday and it hurts. Maybe a little 180 is in order. Hmmm, maybe I just skip the underwear altogether and just get under the covers and snuggle up to H naked. (That is after I bring S5 back to his bed for the umpteenth time, lock the dog out of the room and throw the cat off the bed )
Ok, here goes comparing a man to a woman (um...) but if your H is anything like my W, then the constant implied, or even overt pressure to ML is a HUGE turn-off. The advice to "just go for it" is good for maybe one or two attempts but constant bugging someone to have $ex seems to be the wrong way to go.
My W recently told me that she just liked it when things "just happened" (as if) and she HATED it when she could feel the burden of my expectations, which according to her, almost every fiber of my being projected.
So, yes, I think you need to really try hard to lose your expectations that today will be the day, etc. I know it's frustrating, but I think if you were able to back off, WITHOUT resentment or blame (i.e. He's such an a$$ so fcuk him. I can't wait anymore so I will just give up) and somehow accept that it will just have to happen in it's/his own time frame, you'll be much more likely to "get it".
I know, I know, it goes against all the other advice to "go get it" but I think once you try that approach for awhile without success it starts to look like desperation and thus, not nearly as sexy as when you first started.
You have said that it's "almost" happened a couple times so keep being "available" for those moments, but maybe back off a bit.
Oh, and as for the 5 minutes alone...well, maybe you need to work REALLY hard on making more/better time. I know your life, with work, kids, crossed schedules, etc, makes it almost impossible but then again, at some point, if this is going to work long-term, you two have to figure out where your priorities lie. I know I am probably going to sound, well, just wrong, lacking compassion and ignorant here, but most, if not ALL the couples I know in my life who work opposite shifts, and center the rest of their lives around their kids are not doing too well. I would go farther and say that the men I know who CHOOSE to live like that do it because they don't want to be home for some reason.
I am NOT saying your H wants to be away from you NOW, but he certainly used to. At some point I think that maybe a move to another town where you can find different jobs, a babysitter, or be closer to family may help. It seems like SOME kind of more creative solution to your financial situation, you child care situation, etc, needs to be discussed so that the priority can shift from making everything else in your life work to making your marriage work because without the marriage, the rest of it will be all different anyway.
Just some thoughts. I hope I didn't offend, or somehow make light of your situation. I KNOW it's hard to make these things work. I know it's frustrating to be doing all you can do and then have someone suggest it's not enough. That's not what I am doing. I am just telling you (probably most frustrating of all) what you already know, and that is that if you BOTH are really in this for the long haul, then you BOTH have to start trying to figure out how to make this work.
I know you took your job as a GAL and to help out with the finances, and he used his job as a way to avoid you and be with "her". At some point, you both have to start WANTING to be with each other more and find a way to do that.
Maybe that's not today, or tomorrow, but you and I both know that at some point, that day will have to come.
Keep fighting Mama. I KNOW you can do this. You've been SO strong, and SO good through all this. Please, just keep trying. Your marriage is worth it, you know it is.
