Thank you PL, Piglet, Believing and Always for stopping by. Had a very nice weekend/Christmas. Wore the lacy red bra and panty set yesterday but no one saw it except my daughter. Oh well, things could be worse, right?
So H has been really nice the past few days; extremely talkative and in an overall great mood. I'm of course on cloud nine. Someone that saw us together last Sat. night commented to me what a nice couple we are and how we seem so "in love" with eachother - if they only knew, right?
Then yesterday H calls to tell me he has to work late - red flag goes up - I am not comfortable with this at all but I am going to have to start to trust him so I say that is great since I don't have to work and we could always use the overtime. When I knew he should be driving home I called to ask him to pick something up for me, I called 3 times and his cell was busy each time. Here we go again I think. Sure enough, after he goes to bed I check his phone and he called her, OW, and had a 50 minute conversation.
How do I react to this? Do I just ignore it and act as if? If things are back on between the two of them I am done, I will not put myself or my kids thru another year like the last one.
I hijacked this piece of info from Grasshoppers thread, it was written by SventheRed
Quote: What I noticed in the rut was exactly what you are noticing - as we piece, we start to "expect" things which might lead to disappointment - which shows on our face and in our moods. I know I jettisoned that (though it took a 2x4 to the head back in say November) and instead reminded myself to give love unconditionally and lose the expectations. A tough feat, but I think worth the effort. I think our S's can sense the feeling of let down and can become bitter. In their mind, they are giving all they can but it never seems enough.
I am going to have this tatooed into my brain.
I am also going to say farewell to this board, at least for a while anyway. I anxiously await the virtual pat on the back or someone to give me the magic answer only to be dissappointed as all of my board friends have seemed to have disappeared.
Thanks to all of you that have been following me this past year and encouraging me along the way, I wish you the best and a Happy New Year!
Apart from trying to piece my marriage back together I am also trying to learn how to be a better parent.
I found this on the ScreamFree Living website:
Quote: means letting go of our need to manage others and learning to focus more — much more — on managing ourselves. This means learning to calm our own emotional reactivity. Emotional reactivity is behind every bad pattern, bad decision, and bad relationship. Whenever we get reactive — whether by screaming, cutting ourselves off, overcompensating for others, or taking things personally or defensively — we operate out of our anxiety. And whenever we get reactive, we end up, ironically, creating the very outcomes we were hoping to avoid. ScreamFree Living takes this reactivity very seriously and stresses that the number one step toward creating the types of relationships we truly crave is learning to calm down.
Food for thought, as it definitely describes how I operate.
Hey hon, I'm sending you a virtual hug)))))))))) and my best wishes. Will keep you in my prayers and may the Lord grant you strenght and wisdom for piecing your M.
About him calling ow, when you found out and had the talk w/him, was it agreed that he should never contact her or did he leave that option open? I know lots of LBS have to put up w/their spouses thinking it is ok to contact the op, on my case I made it clear and had my H agree that any contact w/ow was not to be tolerated.
I wonder if he thinks it is ok /w you that he calls her.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Wow, I'm surprised my thread hasn't locked up yet for lack of activity.
Happy New Year to you all!
Not much to report here. You know the old saying, "what you persist, resists"? (Or something like that) Well, the last couple of weeks I have really dropped the rope so to speak and it seems like my H is actually trying to get closer to me. He calls me more, just to talk, he actually kisses me and gives me great big hugs, sits right next to me on the couch and writes "I love you very much" on his morning notes to me. We haven't ML lately but not for the lack of trying; last Saturday afternoon we tried, locked the door and all but 2 of the kids stood outside banging on the door and crying. Ridiculous, I know, they are 5 and almost 10 years old. It killed the mood and I was royally pissed off. I tried to explain to them that mommys and daddys need quiet time but they weren't buying it. Oh well...
Other than that everything else is still the same. Working my butt off, too many bills, not enough time in the day - you all know the drill.
I am soooooooooooo happy for you,, yes it seems when you let go they warm up some . Awesome, I look forward to hearing more aout your h 's sweeetness. I think you sound so great. Hope you get everyting you are wishing for this year Mama. You deserve nothing less than the best. May your new year be filled with better memories and lots of love. God bless..
Aud and Ali, As much as I try to stay away from this board for awhile, I think I am addicted.
As for H contacting OW, I outright told him the other day that I will not put up with it and I will leave. I think he actually took me seriously this time. I am such a different person than I was this time last year. I am so much more stronger and confident, in part due to the encouragement and words of wisdom from people here and to the fact that I went out and got a job. I earn my own money, I have many new friends; both male and female who truely like me for me. There is nothing wrong with me, as I thought a year ago. If I had to start over I KNOW I could do it, whereas last year I couldn't and as a result was a clingy crying desparate mess.
Keep it up girl. 
