It must really hurt to be dealing with this right now. I know how much you want your H to be loving and moving forward right now, especially at Christmas.
How about some 180s and act as if? You've made an assumption of his thoughts and feelings and that's understandable. But the more you think he's just there for the kids, the more unhappy it will make you! Can you try to not think that, or if you can't stop, see it as a positive? He is THERE. Don't assume it's because of finances. He's said things in the past that say he enjoys spending time as a family and doesnt want to lose you. Work with that if you can and see if your actions will change him.
It's such a long process and I know the frustration can be overwhelming. I've had so much positive progress, but a year ago, things were cold and screwed up with no end in sight. I just wanted to know that J loved me and wanted to be with me, but he wasn't feeling that. The best he could do was be here physically in the house and I can remember being so p*ssed that I had to live with someone who couldnt have a real M with me. Things were that way for YEARS (the coldness) before J changed, but it had to start with me, so I was years behind in trying to initiate change between us because I was wallowing, angry, bitter and unhappy myself. Still, we have alot to deal with and it's gonna take time. I'm not trying to project here, but just say if you can learn from my mistakes I regret that I allowed his lack of progress and distance to turn me into a WAW.. it added a lot of pain for the whole family to deal with.
Anyway, I'd go shopping and act as if. Remember all the fun activities you've enjoyed? That seems like a good place to start with your H. he's hurt you with saying not to buy him a present. So.. could you buy him presents and just put the kids names on them? And if you anticipate that he won't buy you a gift, maybe you could wrap something for yourself from the kids too? It would be hard for me to take this advice myself, but anything you can do to make Christmas positive, happy and stay in a good, happy place emotionally, do it. If you can keep from giving him a reason to blame his unhappiness right now on you, do it.
No sweetie, this isnt how you treat someone you love if you're focusing on loving them. You deserve better, but he can't give it right now because he's wallowing in something or in a bad place. It's not about you. Easy to say, hard to remember, huh?
Do what's easiest on you. If you wanna concede and live as roommates, do it. Whatever you decide, try to act as if, GAL and be postively glowing when you are around him. Gosh, I know you're tired. We all get tired of working at times, especially when we're not seeing progress, or there's a backslide. There are still days when I wanna quit when J is cold and distant. What was the analogy someone posted? About luring them to us? Give them space, but become the best we can be for ourselves and they'll notice.
Merry Christmas Mama. Hang in there.. keep your chin up. You've come so far and I just know you can keep going. Huggs!!
I regret that I allowed his lack of progress and distance to turn me into a WAW.. it added a lot of pain for the whole family to deal with.