Quote: One of my biggest past mistakes was trying to be perfect and worrying about every little thing in my marriage...I now realize it's important to be myself and concentrate on just trying to be friends with my husband.
Interesting thing occurred to me last night at work. I was approached by a man that comes in there regularly, he wanted to know my name and introduce himself as well as tell me how attractive he thought I was, etc.
I was very flattered but immediately got the reaction, "why doesn't my husband feel this way about me?"
Then the more I thought about it, it must have been the same reaction my H had when he started getting attention from OW. Unfortunately, he choose to betray me with her.
I have been keeping up with you, and I just wanted you to know I am here. I do think there is something to opening up our own sexuality and feelings of attractiveness that will help turn things around. Right after my H left, I got a male massage therapist and I also took a visit for the first time in my life to the local sex shop. I checked out the Eroscillator and boy do I think OT is on the right track too Anyway, as you know my H has not turned back around my way yet, but I have a glow now that I never had before and other people are noticing how great I look. It is my choice of course whether I decide to give my H more time to work himself out and hopefully work his way back to the M, or whether I move on. But meanwhile I want to carry that spark and I love the way I feel now and I would never go back. In fact one of the things I was concerned about in the beginning, is how I would be able to continue to do all of the things I am doing in my life that are so great, if H came back. Now there is no question. This is my life, H would have to adjust to what works for me and lights up my life.
Anyway, have you though about sharing with H that a fellow at work came on to you? And that all it made you feel is how much you wanted to come home and do it with your H? Whisper in his ear, how about right now, let's take a shower, whatever. See if you can channel all that energy into a lovely ML session. Just a thought, tell him you are hot and horny and... Come on mama, keep your confidence up! Remember before the babies? What were you doing together? Let's get back to it. Out of the doing mode, all of the responsibilities, and back to when time doesn't matter, nothing matters more than doing this together. Forget the "why doesn't my H..." Think, a little impishly, "why don't I just...."
I am rooting for you Mama. Be playful. Be bold! You can do this.
PositivelyListening ************************************** When one door of happiness closes, another one opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us. - Helen Keller
Hi MB, sorry I've been remiss in checking the board this week. I too, have a lot of male attention at work (doctors, no less!) and just yesterday one got quite bold with me - coming back to the desk to see me before leaving the hospital b/c he's "addicted" and had to get his "fix" before leaving. aaaahh! and all I want is what I cannot have, my H.
You still have the opportunity to channel that energy at home with H. Just hang on, patience is a b*tch. But you could be in my shoes, so please learn from my mistake(s). Patience Patience Patience. ho ho ho.
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Is 43:18-19
If it seems slow in coming, wait. It's on its way. It will come right on time. Hab 2:3
Then the more I thought about it, it must have been the same reaction my H had when he started getting attention from OW.
I think what's more difficult is comparing how the husbands act to us and how we imagine they acted with OW. I might know logically the comparisons are unfair, and probably unrealistic, but I still can't help doing it.
In fact there's probably no way my husband could possibly give me the kind of attention I imagine he gave her. That's kind of sad because he can never meet what I'd expect him to do if he "loves me." Not as punishment, but as a way to prove it... and because I imagine him having tried to give her the world.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
Root, I imagine H gave OW all kinds of attention, affection and gifts (see cc statements for proof).
Things between us really are no better. He writes in his daily notes ILY but rarely does he say it or show it.
I do think he appreciates me more now that I am working. We are now more like a team combating this huge mountain of debt we are in.
Last night as he was crashing on the sofa I went over and kissed him and we briefly spoke of the fact that we are polar opposites; he gets up early/I get up late (if you call 7 a.m. late), he goes to bed early/I go to bed late. We never seem to be in sync with eachother. I am planning on putting on some cute lingerie on X-mas eve while we are frantically wrapping gifts so we will see where that goes.
