I'm having a problem understanding the problem here. It probably would have been better to simply state things directly rather than asking if he had a problem, but it isn't too late to do so.
"H, I just want to let you know that the Bears game customers kept us really late last night, we had to throw them out. I hope you didn't think I was blowing you off, because I really would have preferred to spend that time at home."
Now, as to your intuitions, my guess is you are right. His pissiness is likely not because you worked late, but because he feels like crap for doing something he "shouldn't", whether it was looking at porn, thinking about calling OW, or actually calling her. My point is, yeah, he probably was up to no good in some way, but you have no idea what way. The question is, what are you going to do about it?
If nothing, then relieve the tension YOU are feeling because of your own fears about working late (as above), and then let it go. You will feel better. Just do it simply and directly and be done.
It is probably good for you to give him a little space with respect to whatever crawled up his behind, that way he can't as easily project his uncomfy feelings onto you.
Quote: My point is, yeah, he probably was up to no good in some way, but you have no idea what way. The question is, what are you going to do about it?
That is the thing, there really is NOTHING I can do about it because it is silly to assume anything. Maybe he really was just busy and distracted.
My problem is I feel guilty for not being here. I have to work because we desparetly need the money and these hours work best for our family. So it would seem that I may be projecting my feelings onto him.
I am always trying to fix everything and make sure that everyone is happy and NOT mad at me. You would think after being here for almost 1 year I would learn that I cannot control others.
So, I am going to try to let this go and act as if everything is ok.
OT, Now that I have you here, any addtional advice on the lack of intimacy in my sitch that you could offer would be greatly appreciated.
Quote: My problem is I feel guilty for not being here. I have to work because we desparetly need the money and these hours work best for our family.
Is there some reason you can't share that with H? "H, you got a shoulder to lean on? I feel pretty miserable and guilty when I'm not home with you and the kids because I have to work late. I know it is the best thing for us right now, but I hate feeling like I'm letting y'all down."
(1) Buy him some candy briefs for men, wrap them up, give him the package, and tell him you feel like a snack.
(2) Do not fake orgasms. Make sure when you have sex the next time you have an O, even if you have to do it yourself. Unless you are a rare woman on a good day, this will probably not happen during intercourse. You can always ask him to assist in various ways. I'd suggest asking him to talk dirty to you.
(3) Ask for an Eroscillator for Christmas. A very pricey toy, but worth it. Then, keep it on hand for when you get turned down and when you don't.
I just feel like we are both running in circles but never meeting in the middle. That huge white elephant is still in the room. I wish there was some crystal ball where I could see what H is really thinking and doing and where we end up in the future.
Hey Mama sometimes I think we just have to hang out and sort of "go with the flow" of things for awhile. In the meantime I think it's still important to keep GAL and not lose ourselves in this whole thing. One of my biggest past mistakes was trying to be perfect and worrying about every little thing in my marriage. I was like a Stepford Wife! I now realize it's important to be myself and concentrate on just trying to be friends with my husband.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
Quote: You have high intellectual standards, which is good -- don't compromise your expectations just because you're afraid you'll be disappointed. People will rise to the challenge when given half a chance, so let them impress you. Encouragement will go a long way for you today, so if you're in the middle of a showdown, unfold your arms and use them to give out bear hugs. You will get a lot farther it you connect with other people. Do not be aloof.
