(((Mama))) You're going through a lot, but you've come SO far! You can overcome this bump in the road too. Therapy might not be a bad idea. I can relate to how you feel so much of the time and short term therapy did help me alot to sort through things. It helped to face those things I've been carrying around for years and see that I don't need them anymore, i.e., others to accept me and say I'm good enough. It's still a process and I'm sure others have way more experience to share than me, but when you confront the lies that hurt your heart - it's easier to let them go and call them what they are. For instance, I always felt like I was a bad child and later a bad adult.. I can remember my mother saying I should be ashamed of myself when I got into trouble. Guess what? I carried that shame as part of me for years. Just having a therapist point that out and me saying "hey, that's not true! Im not a bad person who should be ashamed" well, it's made a major difference for me. Kind of like moving me from childhood into adulthood.. got me mentally into the present where I can look at a problem, see how I contribute, and see that I have power to change the situation. When we're young, we build up defenses because we're powerless.. but now we don't have to be stuck in that place.
Hang in there! As you well know these things are measured in baby steps. I think you're doing great..your H is home to stay, you're working, you're spending wonderful quality time together. Mama, you've come a LONG way!!
