Yeah, similar thoughts have been going through my head also - either one or the other of us has to move/change somehow. In my case I think this might take the form of a confrontation about the affair, asking her how she thinks it makes me feel, and what she would do in my shoes... then suggesting she think about a trial separation, where she moves out, so that she can experience what a D would mean. Yes, the kids are very important to me too (there is a book about how to divorce decently, btw, I'll see if I can find the title for you), made more complicated for me by my wanting to move back to the US and W wanting to stay here. I am interested in how your sitch evolves (thinking "you first"...) I leave in two weeks for two weeks again, and W has been asking if I have flight details; wonder if this means the OM is coming here... W and I each took a Meyer-Briggs personality test, which I thought might give me insight into what she needs. She is ENFP and I am INTJ. Interestingly one website mentions that exactly these two types are attracted to each other. I glean from the same site that she needs excitement, feeling, emotions, which I shy away from...
Gotta run - Good luck to you -
Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
