I hope the new year finds you in good spirits and on a good road in life. From all your wonderful suggestions, I trust you ushered ‘007 in in a fun way.
A plan of sorts for my M has been crystallizing – please tell me what you think of it:
O propose a weekend Imago workshop to my wife this week, who will hopefully say yes. The purpose of the workshop is twofold: to improve our communication, which has been terse and strained of late (not sure why) and second, to thereby let us talk about our problems and see if we can get back on track, or if the marriage is finished.
O if W says no to the workshop idea, I go to Imago counseling alone as soon as possible, and tell her I am doing so (she won’t like the idea – “only weaklings go to counselling”), but something must change in our M.
o Apply the counselling recommendations, which are hopefully practical, during the next few weeks (I leave for California on the 29th) and judge the results.
O The workshop is from the 26th to the 28th. We will either go there, or I will have a few weeks of counseling and relationship work under my belt. Either way, we will hopefully have material to make a decision whether to go on or not (right now, after my wife had a terse, quiet, conversation with someone on her cell again, this presumably because I was within earshot, I am pretty pissed off, but could forgive).
O we apply the openly discussed decision, which is either to work on us or to sever relations, by the end of the school year. I would then like to move back to the States for job and personal reasons (my Mom had a heart attack last week, and my Dad could use help at work), though this will make things hard with the kids, as my (still) W would like to stay here.
If my W is unwilling to work on things, and sticks to her “I want to see other people” postion, I guess it is over. She watched Shakespeare in Love 3 times this weekend (both for the handsome Fiennes and for the thrill of love) – maybe she is a love junkie.
At some point, I need clarity and resolution, and though I am sure it would hurt to D, at least I would have clear knowledge and not waste time in hopeless, sleepless, pining (and paying for her! It seems unfair to accumulate 401k money for the last three years, which I would presumably have to share with her).
It is hard to imagine becoming 50 with all this unresolved –
A good year to you –
Luke
ps. just now she ordered a bunch of on sale stuff for me from Amazon - I don't understand how she can (probably) be having an EA and take (at least clothingwise) care of her otherwise rejected husband.
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
