Hi sofaraway and 1210 (is that a nickname of sorts for you?),
Well, I spent a good hour with a C today, the first part being an interview of her and the second part me. Two things stand out - the C is "neutral" on marriage ("I do what the couple wants") and that the apparent solution is talking through our issues with my W, this at my suggestion with the C present, functioning as a question asker and discussion moderator.
I am not sure what to think about the "neutral" part - should I be looking for someone more gungho on marriage? She said that she would not push my wife in a direction I wanted, but rather "aid us in doing what we want", even if this is divorcing.
I do think that a good open discussion with my W on exactly what is bothering her would be good, expose and hopefully cauterize the wound and so help. I am afraid of this also, though, that exposing the wound and hurt and anger might lead to "okay, it is now in the open and we can divorce, after all the counselor can help with that too".
What do you think? The C thought this clearly was an interpersonal thing requiring both of us there, and didn't have the typical DB "you can onesidedly improve things, even without your spouse" tone. If we do this, it will be after New years, when the kids are back at school and we have space again. It is also a question what my W will think of going... and that I went...
Is there a point in probing the wound this way? I can't think of a better strategy just now.
Sofaraway - thanks for the thoughts about standing up for myself - had to do a bit of that today when my wife repeatedly asked where I was going and why it couldn't be tomorrow (we are trying to be greener adn drive less) when we go back to the same town again. I had to hold firm and say, no, it has to be today (but didn't say what it was). I suspect the tone of voice you recommend could be useful when/if we have the big both of us plus C session early next year.
Let me think more about what you wrote and post more later -
Thanks from Sweden -
Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
