Luke, it appears to me that you are really making the personality differences a huge issue here. Not sure that is such a good idea. You got married knowing those traits, you dont have to be so much alike to make a marriage work. In fcat sometimes being opposites can be a huge help. You can learn from her and she can learn from you.
As far as the effort goes, that is a personal choice, you have come this far, I cant see why you wouldnt want to see it through. I believe that you have to stand your ground with your W some though. Set your personal boundaries with her, let her know what is unnaceptable to you. She will, in the long run respect you for standing up for your convictions if you so do this. You don't have to be harsh with it, you just have to be matter of fact. If you dont want to live a charade in your M, then just tell her so.
I am glad you are going to see a counselor, my recomendation to you is that you address the issue of communicating in a dominant/submissive marriage. Your counsellor can teach you how to take a bit of control back in your conversation without giving in to being harsh, which you are not comfortable with.
Just thought I'd chime in for you buddy, good luck with the cousellor hunting...
