It's been an up and down weekend here, with a Santa Lucia rehearsal yesterday and then (our biggest town) celebration today, in which both kids participated. W pleasant enough generally, but she had to be in the shed for a conversation yesterday and just had a short one on her cell phonse that could not talk on, just said ‘yup’ , ‘yup’, quietly. Me jealous – unsure of how to react. Do I show my feelings or stay nice? Shall I just not give a damn? I take some bitter pleasure in that the OM is presumably in Germany, and far away (I hope!), so they can’t be together and every night I sleep alone upstairs, so does she, downstairs.
She suggested that we should visit my parents this coming summer – amazing that she can even think we can stay together on the surface, but be separated in reality. What a way to live – dead inside and living a lie. It would be nice to see my folks and show them New York and Washington DC, but with her?
The problem does seem to be an EA to OM, but she also does want to maintain our exterior life, not entirely clear why, is it only the kids and house and nice situation and circle of friends? Isn’t that kind of everything, except for some attraction to me? At least with wanting to maintain a semblance of life together, we are together and I maybe have a chance?
A complicating factor in all this is that I would consider moving back to the States if we divorce, partly for job reasons, partly to be near my parents, partly to punish her by completely removing any support. Of course, the kids have to fit in somewhere too, and should not be hurt.
There is a note in the latest Atlantic monthly that married people live longer on average than divorced ones, so along with a possible divorce I will probably die earlier, wonderful. Do I reject any support, any ‘being nice’, from her? How do you treat a wayward spouse? Do I need to turn the other cheek yet again (that was the pastor’s advice when we got married).
Luke
ps. a marriage Coast Guard would be great to have - any suggestions on how to interview a marriage counselor?
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
