I am so sorry to hear this news...so, her idea is to save "face" to the neighbors, friends and family by "looking" like a happy home - but - each to have their own OP for intimacy? That's alot to stomach...
Luke, I would highly suggest that you find a solution-based counselor to talk with on a one to one basis. Her trying to pre-plan how the R should be is utterly ridiculous.
I find it rather interesting that she has, in the past three years, decided that you aren't strong enough for her particular needs - why then, did she agree to marry you in the first place? Did she do it to defy "daddy"? Was it b/c she felt sorry for you? Were you "so weak" of a man that she thought she could change you?
I think at this point, you need a professional involved to sort this out. You W may or may not want to go with you - if not, that's okay, as well...it just seems that your W's expectations of your role in this M may/may not be something "you" can live with.
I'm not sure anyone can live in a R, like the one she wants.
