So the bomb got dropped again last night, though with nuances, by her, without any prompting from me, after we watched a movie. Here is the skinny:
O W said she believes a divorce would have bad effects, especially on our kids, relatives and our social network. So she doesn’t want to get divorced.
O W wants to start seeing and sleeping with other people, though, this because
O I am not and never will be strong enough to match her in personality – “all of the boy friends I ever really loved were strong”, “I can always baffle you and win an argument”, “my dad (who passed away long ago) would have dissuaded me from marrying you” etc.
O I therefore should stop being celibate and start seeing other people also, “which just naturally happens”.
O This way we could protect the kids, our relatives and our social network – by sugar coating the divorce - keep the house, the kids’ schools, etc.
My reaction:
O “I want to work at fixing our relation” - if she wants with her - but at the least by improving me. “I know you need pushback and am working on exactly that”.
O I said that I promised to be faithful to her and will stick to my moral standards. “My vision of marriage doesn’t’ include sleeping around”.
O I said that I have no solution to her quandary – by my seeing new people, which I won’t do, she could legitimately do so also.
So we are back to square one, to a state of Mutual Assured Destruction (to use Cold War terminology), in spite of my efforts and patience. What now? She wants to have her cake and eat it too – equal guilt makes it all okay.
Frustrated, and having poorly slept, on a reasonably nice day - Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
