I wish I could remember who wrote it. I get stuff from ivillage.com all the time and this was in an email I got from there. I went back to check my deleted mail but had so much I had already permanently deleted it !! SORRY!! But you might check that site.I am so sorry that it got to you that way!! I really hope it didn't bring you down too badly!!
I have tried so very hard to not bring up the past during discussions and I have succeeded in not throwing the A in his face. I made him a promise when we talked about the A and I told him I forgave him. The promise was that no matter how badly he hurt me,I would be able to liev with what happened and that even though I might still be hurting,I would never ever "throw it up to him" when we had an arguement or disagreement. Now we have discussed it a few times but not when we were upset or angry...just when we felt we needed to discuss what had happened to our R. My H has always had a problem talking about his feelings but it has gotten much better over the past year. I have shown him that I will listen to what he has to say and I have shown him that I will never laugh at his feelings or try to make him feel bad about what he thinks or feels.
I know my H feels that he can't be totally honest with me because he thinks I couldn't handle the truth. But the thing is I don't want lies!! I would rather him be honest and tell me he really won't tell me me because he is trying to keep me from pain. I just don't want him "making things up" or tell me what he "thinks" I want to hear.
Anyway...hopr you can find the article. I will try myself and see if I can dig it up.
Pat