I tried to think of a few things to say, but I just cannot get inside your H's head. He makes no sense to me. I am not knocking him, I just have no base to understand the concept of rejecting a horny W, or of not being affectionate.
I will say though that I think Lil is on to something. In my history I know that I was creamed by the the whole kid thing. Having kids has been my W's lifelong dream so I just went along with it. When we had the miscarriages, the resulting depression and withdrawal from my W, I never even stopped to think about what it would mean to be a father, I just wanted my W to be happy again. So I know I didn't handle the pregnancy and first year or so, with the accompanying further withdrawal from my W away from a physical R, and compounded by my complete lack of skill in how to handle R problems or even understand them. I can maybe see some of that feeling overwhelmed and incapable of regaining a sense of control in your H. If your H does have problems with low self-esteem, withdrawal is a primary defense mechanism.
As far as dinner goes, I think based on your recent posts that you need to get it all out. Of course, do your best not to let emotions get in your way, no matter how hard that is. Breaking down crying or getting into a shouting match will just give him an excuse to stop the convo.
Ditto what HD said. Good luck.
Regards, Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
