I floated this idea a while ago, karen... and I'm going to float it again... do you think the impending baby is having an effect on his mental/emotional state? This is a huge deal to him, I would think. It's something he has wanted, and y'all have had several sad tries, but now it's happening. This will be HIS child in a way that your kids and the foster kids aren't. I know you've kind of blown off this idea, but as a childless person, I can't begin to imagine what he must be going through. I'm not deeply attached to anyone or anything in this world. Truly... there is no one that I love with a deep, all-consuming love and attachment that wouldn't keep me from getting on a ship to the moon tonight if I thought I could find happiness there. (Yeah, that makes me pretty sick and shallow, but that's another post.)
But a child binds you to him/herself in a way that I can't imagine. (I know we're supposed to be bound to our partner, but the partner chooses us-- sort of-- and the child does not.) I just think this baby is messing with his head... he may be wrestling UNCONSCIOUSLY with the tug between maintaining his detached status and the knowledge that he won't be able to be detached. Or maybe he's afraid he will take one look at the baby and won't be able to ATtach, not DEtach. Just think about this a bit. For those of you who have children, maybe you've forgotten what a huge change s/he made in your lives.
After all, k, your H was single for many years and probably thought he would never be a father. Then after your miscarriages, he may have resigned himself to not being a father. But now the Reality-- a lifetime unbreakable commitment to another human being-- is staring him in the face. I think it may be part of what's going on with him-- the withdrawal, hiding, edginess.
