Well, H and I are going to dinner Saturday night. I asked to talk and he insisted on dinner. It may be that the tables next door to us will get quite an earful. H has left me no venue to discuss things other than this so I guess this is where it will be discussed. H said a few weeks ago as I described my work insanity that I sounded very "fulfilled" and like an idiot I said that "Yes, my work is fulfilling." Actually, right now my work is overfilling. So I figure I will start the convo there. I am not fulfilled. I am overbusy at work, underinvolved with him, family and home and I am tired of it.
I addressed a few weeks ago when he yelled at me for something small that he appears to always be "mad at me" lately. He said I would need to give examples at the time that something happens and I pointed out that when he already seems ticked it doesn't seem like a good time. He replied that "you can't just wait forever." Now, I'm not waiting forever. I'm going to have to let him know that since we got pregnant this summer he has acted like a man having an affair, battling an addiction to something (drugs, porn, gambling) or who is biding his time until he can leave the marriage at a more convenient time. I come in the house and he goes the other direction, if I bring up work (which is all my personal life currently consists of) he changes the topic, if I bring up plans around the baby (getting the room in shape, whether it is safe to be 2 hours from the hospital in my 37th week) he "can't deal with that now", he goes to bed before or after me as much as possible, he doesn't want to have sex and when the doc says not to have sex it doesn't even occur to him that there are other sexual activities we could do, even the passionate pecks have practically ceased. Well, I plan to tell him that a lot of women would be considering hiring a private detective after five months like that.
It isn't that I'm not "solution oriented" - I have solutions but if we can't talk about work, baby plans, family vacations or much else lately except in short, logistics only conversations then how can we negotiate solutions. I can work on creating some "life balance" in some areas of my life - fitting in excercise, meditation, time for myself or whatnot but by myself I cannot discern what is up with his distancing. I HAVE to talk to him. If there is a truth that I need to hear I am ready to hear it: "K, you are fat, you are a whiner, I am in love with Cindy from company X, I am addicted to cyber-sex, whatever. I just cannot continue in this very vulnerable position of waiting on this baby, working my azz off and watching my life fall apart.
Any suggestions of a guy friendly (plain speaking, not too much embellishment) way of saying this? Yeah - I'm gonna ruin dinner. Goody.
