There is good stuff here and right on the money. I often leave convos with H feeling like "Gee, I wish I would have used my couseling skills and paraphrased what he said and asked him to do the same." So often, you just slip into some old pattern and spin your wheels right in the same exact rut.
I found counseling with H to be extemely frustrating - he can talk circles around most people and they don't even realize that he hasn't told them anything of any consequence. Sometimes I think we would benefit greatly by going to a male counselor. H also uses his charm to disarm women and it does work. After quite a few sessions the C met with just me and said that she realized he hadn't told her squat but gee, lots of marriages are happy without much of a sex life (like hers) and I seemed happy with him in every other way... Then a few weeks later, her affair was exposed and she left her husband. Go figure. I realize that this was a weird anomaly and that another counselor could be more effective. I would just choose very carefully. I'm actually more of a mindset to just go to someone myself and never mind H.
Last night we went to DD9's chorus concert and H dropped me at the curb to go find a seat. So, I choose a seat with plenty of empty seats beside it and H goes three rows further back so he can put his foot up without saying a word. I just stayed where I was. Five minutes later H sent DS15 to say why didn't I join him, he just sat back there so he could put his foot up - easier on his hip joint. Later, we went to get ice cream with the kids. He decided he was done and so was DD2 (everyone was basically done) and without a word he picked up DD and went to the car. I honestly thought he had gone to the bathroom. Finally, he turned the lights on in the car and I realized that they were sitting in it and got the other kids together and got in the car too. This kind of stuff has happened a lot recently and doesn't make me feel too confident in approaching the other issues. He has been a lousy communicator lately.
