Hey there mama, Well I think the first thing you need to do is to get real with yourself in order to lessen the resentment that is piling up with every passing day. What I mean is that *you* are the one who has changed here, not your H. In the beginning you were totally fine with being the one who sustained the sexual R and now want H to change. He is understandably confused and a little lost with having a spouse verbally and nonverbally (which we all know is worse..having someone with every cell in their being silently shout "be different") want him to change. He's digging in his heels and hanging on to the status quo for dear life.
If you are able to recognize that you set up the system just as much as he did, then it helps with the resentment. You can say to yourself, Man did I screw up allowing this to become how we sexually interact...now where do we go from here?
As far as the From Here segment goes, I would say that you are indeed going to have to get angry and in his face, as much as you don't enjoy that. In fact, I think he's waiting until that happens...stalling the inevitable. He has made it clear that he absolutely hates any signs of passive aggression from you, such as emailing or texting him the next morning with an apology that indirectly points a finger at him, so I would scratch that off your list of things to try.
K, I had to get so mean with my H that I'd be quaking inside at the thought of saying what needed to be said. It was awful hurting his feelings. However, it was the only thing that pushed him off dead center. Your H, in his stubborn way, is testing you.
Also, MrHP used to say that if it had gone "too long" he could no longer initiate because he knew I was mad. He avoided that WHOLE SCENE if he knew he'd screwed up. I have no doubt that this is the problem with MrK. He adores you, is devoted to your family life together but he has some serious sexual hangups to work through and he is stallin big time.
Here is what we finally did: We started off with a loose schedule. MrH abhorred the idea of a schedule too (although recently he thinks it's a good idea--that's what Time does, huh) so we agreed to twice per week. That worked for the first week and then I was high and dry the second. So, through clenched teeth, I explained to my dear husband that if we were to meet our agreed-upon schedule not more than 3 days could go by with no sex. This was *much* easier for him to remember...cough up the sex every 3 days or Wife will get crabby. He used to joke (it was not a funny joke, btw) "Oh it must be Day Three.." Grrrrr. But I digress. lol Anyway, I think that you will eventually have to assert your needs and stop letting life get in the way. He would be the first to say something like "marriage just doesn't happen, you have to work at it" so let's put your money where your mouth is, right.
We even negotiated what an acceptable excuse is, and this is where it gets totally squicky and un-romantic but it was necessary, I quickly learned, in order for us both to be on the same page and not let resentment start ruining our marriage again. It was something like this: Sickness is not a get out of sex free card...only flu or a severe cold. Runny nose, nope. Kid stress: No way does that get you out of sex. In your case you might want to make provisions for older kids and things like jail and whatnot. (sheesh, just thinking of things like that gives me a shudder--NOT ready for that, lol) Social engagements: Nope again unless we were getting home at an exhausting hour.
Well, you get the point.
I realize that your H will fight you bad on this idea. But let's face it...your H fights you bad because he knows that you will give in. I think if he ever sensed that he had run up against a brick wall that he'd agree to a lot more than what he does. In your efforts to be a reasonable wife, I think your requests get lost in the midst of his Italian bombastic style. IOW, can you fight fire with fire a little more and see if he responds to it?
Being prone to histrionics myself, I know that when H gets this way with me it shocks me back to a listening mode and that usually helps matters.
Well, sis, I've used up my internet playing time and only managed to ramble to you. I hope that you two are able to hook up soon. Remember that it's nearly impossible for him to initiate at this point since he's SO royally screwed up. I didn't get this, with MrH, until that particular marital habit had faded and his nervousness finally went away. I wouldn't even call it nerves, it was more like severe anxiety. Fwiw, I think these men of ours are boneheads for even getting themselves INTO this situation, lest it seem like I'm taking his side. I'm just trying to offer up an explanation for why he's let it go on this long--one that does not involve anything about your person, because I happen to know how lovely you really are.
