As always, another eloquently written post. You so get this DB stuff. It is really great that you have been able to help so many on this board in the last year!
So much of what happens to us LBS's is based on fear. Fear of abandonment, fear of not being good enough, fear that we cannot control our WAS's. You have learned to overcome that fear. You have learned that you cannot control someone else. You have learned that you are good enough and that what happened with OP has nothing to do with you. Sure you may have contributed to your W's loss of feelings for you but you had nothing to do with her choice to have an A. She and other WAS's did that on all on their own. Now that they have come to the realization that they want to stay married to us, they have to live with the consequences of their actions. So while we feel hurt and betrayed they probably have even more &hit going on in their heads like shame and guilt.
In the long run we each must choose to live our life to the fullest and not look to others to "make" us happy. We can choose to be sad, miserable martyrs or we can hold our heads up high and be strong in the face of crisis. We can find joy and love in all that we do. Unconditional love makes me think of my dog; there are days when I don't want to pet her, days when I yell because she barks too much or brings mud in on her paws or chews up one of the kids toys BUT she still loves me - day after day and really asks for nothing in return.
