Quote: She didn't say she currently loved him but that at one time she thought she did and it still hurt.
GH,
Notice that your W said she *thought* she loved him, not that she *did* love him.
It sounds like she is starting to grapple with one of the most painful things for a WAS. Her R was a sham, an escape. She risked her M, risked breaking up her family, acted against her values for a cheap meaningless A with someone she neither likes nor respects. YUCK. She became a person who would do lie, cheat, deceive. YUCK. It is very painful for a WAS to start to get a grip on who they became and what they did for an R that now turns their stomachs.
This is not fond reflection of your first love. This is sadness over so many very deeply painful things that it is much easier to ignore and blame the things on other things. (This explains a lot of what has been going on with her picking at YOU. The problem is her, not you. If you can try not to personalize it, that is a good thing.)
Anyway, I suspect W is torn between still idealizing the R w/OM to feel better about herself (leading her to be angry and critical with you), and starting to acknowledge to herself what the R w/OM really was (empty escape) and how damaging it was to her and everyone else (leading her to be angry and critical with you).
The latter will have to happen sooner or later, and it is a hard thing to live with.
BTW, the cell phone thing is BS. She knows she didn't do it, and she didn't do it because she doesn't want to cut off contact. Making that decisive move requires acknowledging that it was not the ideal R she thought it was. IMHO, it is high time to quit tolerating continued contact.
