Wow, I leave for awhile and you just continue on, lol.
Please, hijack all you want Mama & Co. At least my thread will have some life that way.
OT, yes, I know I need to get over myself and be more responsible. I should point out that my W shares my irresponsibility even though she has more intimate knowledge of our situation at any given moment than I do. That doesn't make my actions any better or more justified (actually, probably should make me MORE responsible...) but I would say it's a joint issue in our marriage that we both need to work on.
We know this and are working on it now. We are doing some things to curb spending and also create long-er term goals for reducing down our debt.
It's a work in progress.
As for my sitch overall, well, a little dark cloud passed over my nice little world (lately at least) last weekend. W get a little pissed (as her people say) and "just had to let some things out", one of which happened to be that she was still trying to get over her "in love" feelings for OM. She didn't say she currently loved him but that at one time she thought she did and it still hurt.
She SWORE that there had been no contact. Well, she didn't really SWEAR that there had been none, but was pretty convincing in not getting defensive when I asked her about it. She said he did call a few times lately and she was pissed because she was so happy now, happy with me, happy with her life, and then she's brought back to thinking about him again.
We covered the blocking the number thing and she admitted that she didn't know how to do that, nor had she looked into it. I told her I'd be glad to do it for her.
She assured me it was not necessary. She said she was just trying to let me know why she was upset, not hide it. I asked her what happened to "I never want to see/hear from him again" and "He's an abusive, stalking a$$hole"? She said all that was true but before all that, she had strong feelings for him that are taking time to go away. She said that she had no plans, or felt no need to take any action, just that it affected her sometimes and she knows she can't expect me to understand or help her.
After a couple shots like "maybe I should act like an a$$hole, it works for him" I got control of myself and did actually validate and listen pretty well. I think I shocked her by not getting angry or attacking her. I actually was compassionate and showed her the love I want her to show me.
She said that she did not regret her choice to "come back" to me/the family at all, and actually was happier now than she's been in a long time. I would have to agree.
OT, yea, yea, yea, I know. I just think that according to all I have read on these boards, and in books, this is pretty standard stuff and I THINK she's telling me most, if not all the truth.
I did tell her that one of the things that bothers me the most is that feeling I have that she's not telling me everything. She said she was but I suspect that she may have talked to him. I WILL not snoop so I will accept her word on that.
As for how it affects us going forward, well, things are still pretty good on all fronts. I do NOT suspect any resumption of the affair unless she's 100% different this time, in that she can now have a full set of feelings for me AND OM at the same time which she was incapable of before.
I can't say I don't know what to do because I really think there is nothing to do. This "feeling" thing is nothing I didn't expect (oops...expecting again) so I was ready for it. I am glad she felt she could tell me and afterward, after a LOT of "I appreciate you SO much" etc, etc, etc, from her, we snuggled to sleep.
I feel like I did the right thing. I suppose I could have let myself get worked up over it, and truth be told, I did get worked up a bit but I guess a year of practice helped me get control pretty quickly and make actual DECISIONS about how I wanted to participate...or not in this conversation.
Since that night, we have had a couple more little exchanges about OM and such. She's been much more open about it since then and surprise, surprise, has downplayed that night, her feelings, his presence in her life, etc.
She says he's a non-factor and I think that is 90% true, working towards 100%. So long as I feel that's the case, I see no need to DO anything else at this point.
