Ok, this MAY come as a "ah ha" moment for you but I am like your H in terms of spending (according to my W) and my W misinterprets it ALL THE TIME, and it's one of her big issues with me.
For me, I like to spend money on my family, doing fun things, getting them what they like, even on myself on a rare occasion. I do this because I feel like we SHOULD be able to do it. Let me try to explain a bit better.
I feel like, as the main earner in the family, that if we have to spend less, or can't do certain things, I am a failure. I didn't provide well enough. So what happens is I often pay less attention to our financial sitch (which my W takes care of...all the bills, etc) and maybe I spend too much on occasion. I know that's MY problem and is not really the case (the failure part) but it's how I feel and my W doesn't get that.
My W thinks it's because I always need to be entertained, that I always need to be doing something grand FOR MY SAKE. I've tried to tell her it's NOT for me, it's for her and the kids but she gets upset and says that's BS, that they don't NEED to do all those things, etc.
I guess at the heart of it, it's one of the hidden (I say hidden because I don't really subscribe to the general wisdom about how men SHOULD act) ways I express my manly desire to fill the provider role.
When I don't get to do that, when my family doesn't get to enjoy certain things, it makes me feel like I'm not filling that role.
I know that may be WAY off from what your H does, but I think there may be some element of it that applies.
