Quote: BUT I also believe that you can not take all of the burden upon yourself.
Your wife has a responsibility to also make changes for the preservation of the relationship and is also accountable for her quick tongue.
I don't think I do, but I know when I post here, it seems like that. I know she has her share of the responsibility and burden to work through this sitch with me but I also know I can't really control her part of it. If anything, I think I spend a large part of the time in my "real" life placing blame (maybe the wrong word) for a lot of this on her (in my head at least). That's why I get so critical of myself here. I realize that blaming her for everything, something I used to do regularly, doesn't really help.
Most, if not all of what I post about here is MY changes and the things I can control. Sure, I could post a lot about her need to learn to communicate better, her self-esteem issues, her possible drinking issues, her being affected by the death of her brother, etc, etc, etc. She has MANY issues that, if worked on, could improve our sitch.
I guess I just feel like those issues have been there since day one with her and I knew what I was getting into. Not to say that gives her any kind of free pass. MY issues on the other hand, my anger, my weight gain, my apathy towards the R at times, and my general lack of concern for MY life are more recent developments. I feel like if I can get back to the place I was early in our R (sure, I fully realize that some of her issues contributed to where I am right now) I can restore some of the balance and things will be somewhat better. So far, I have been right.
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Spending your life walking on eggshells and constantly being on your best behavior is not gratifying either. It gets old and you will become weary.
I disagree. Well, I disagree that I am walking on eggshells. I AM trying to be happy, which you could say is trying to be on my best behavior but that is more for me than her.
I love what OT always says about not managing someone else's emotions. THAT is what I want to avoid now, and in the future. I do WAY too much of that. I think I used to LIVE on eggshells and now I am much more direct with my W thanks mainly to OT and her constant refrain that direct, open communication is the key to a better R with my W.
Quote: You have made so much progress and are so positive, I just wish you would be a little easier on yourself at times.
Yes I have, and I think I was able to do all that because I have a very clear idea about what parts of ME I wanted to change. I get upset when I realize that I didn't achieve those goals like I thought I did.
Sometimes it's a bit of a curse to be able to look into yourself and clearly see what's wrong. I credit that ability with helping me save my marriage, but it also leads to me being too hard on myself, as you point out.
Thanks again for your concern. I am truly "good" now so no worries mate!
