Quote: How about this? After a few more workouts, you thank her for kicking you butt -- you weren't traumatized, but you needed it and you are really feeling great. (The idea here is to reinforce that you want to hear from her, even if it hurts in the moment it is OK -- you both benefit in the long run.)
I love this idea and I think I will do just that!
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Eeewwwwww! Having had an H, now XH who I felt I had to parent, let me tell you that this is one of the top 3 killers of lust and passion.
The great thing is you recognize it, acknowledge it, and address it
I agree. I know this was once of her big issues and there is a LOT more to it than what I have posted...and also there is much more slippage that has occurred to cause things to seem, at least to her, like the "bad old days".
I recognize that in addition to the things she pointed out, I am back to asking her permission for everything, NOT GALing, NOT being independent and most likely, if I was totally honest, being very co-dependant. I guess all my life thinking that codependency WAS love makes it hard to break this habit.
I think it all boils down to this once simple fact, and thus, SHOULD be relatively easy to fix; Once I got comfortable again I stopped taking time out of my days for me. I stopped doing the little things that made me happy. I stopped working out. I stopped being responsible for my own happiness.
Instead of doing those things, I invested myself 100% into being with her and the boys, thinking that it was the right thing to do. WTH! That's NOT what got her back in the first place. It was seeing me as a sexy, independent man who knew what he wanted and wasn't afraid to go after it. Now I am a somewhat lazy, somewhat out of shape people pleaser who defers to her every whim...EWWWWWWWWW. I know. I know. I swear, I know.
