P.S. If you must talk, limit it to: "W, you are driving me crazy, I can't keep my hands off of you and I could not care less that you on your period, it is cool with me."
Welp, I can officially say that we are back in a slight rut again. Things are going ok overall. I am trying to get my anger back under control with varying degrees of success. All in all, family life is fine.
The bedroom is a different story. The last two times we went to ML, it ended when my W "pulled out" so-to-speak, claiming to be over-tired and not in the mood. Both times she was the one who suggested we ML and also was the one who suggested we do it another time.
Of course, I thought I did something wrong and asked her about why she wanted to stop. She just said she was too tired. She also said because of that, she was not in the mood. She thought she would be but...
I think that she really WAS too tired but suggested we do it because of the implied expectations (last time was a Saturday night, a prime $ex night for us) and last night because I was taking the boys to school late so we could sleep in a bit. I know she thought I expected sex but Saturday was a REALLY long day and last night, well, she's been feeling pretty sick lately.
I am just feeling like maybe I could have done something differently but I THINK I did the right thing. What I did, each time, was to simply let it go, listen to her and tried to be understanding. I didn't react badly, as I have done BIG TIME in the past when things "didn't work out" (I used to get REALLY upset, going on and on about what I did wrong, etc, etc). I just told her I understood and held her while she fell asleep, which in both cases was in under 5 minutes.
I think I am going to just ask her what's up, if anything. 97% of me thinks it really is just her fatigue built up over the holidays, but then I think back to the past couple months when it's been every other day and it didn't matter what else was going on. Something just FEELS different. It's like she wants to, but mainly for me. She just isn't as into it as she has been recently.
I remember reading somewhere, maybe mars/Venus, that women tend to be "cyclical" when it comes to their drive. Is that true? It seems like it could be in my W's case. Last month, things tapered off leading up to her period and it is this time too. Then, right after...well...pretty regular again.
Actually, reading that info you posted in your post SS, it seems to suggest cyclical drive for some women and if I read it right, maybe it could lessen as the period approaches.
In any event, things have slowed down. I am reading into things a lot and I think I either need to just ask her directly, or get over it. I just want to make sure something hasn't changed in the way I am approaching things that is a turn off for her. I don't think so, but you never know.
Quote: P.S. If you must talk, limit it to: "W, you are driving me crazy, I can't keep my hands off of you and I could not care less that you on your period, it is cool with me."
Ok, no talking. I am REALLY glad you posted this because it brings up something at the heart of (or at least I think it is) our rut of late.
Over this last stretch of GREAT times and wonderful $ex, it seemed like she reacted pretty well to any advance I made. Most comments I made got a giggle from her, and when I "made my move" she responded in kind. Now, the past few days, it seems a LOT like the old days, where my comments were taken badly. She even made the comment that I seemed like a "undersexed" man, something that wasn't the case anymore. Somehow I have gone from confident and passionate, back to desperate in some way.
Aw hell. Instead of trying to guess, this is what I know...and I think the answers are pretty clear.
1) We have not ML in over a week (sorry, I know that sounds like anything but a problem).
2) W has been feeling sick lately.
3) I HAVE acted much more desperate and less passionate.
4) I have reverted back to my "assuming" ML rather than making it happen.
5) W has been feeling REALLY bad about her body lately. She has been complaining about her "fat" for just about the same amount of time as we have not ML.
So, OT, I could do that. I could say that, but I need to regain my footing again. I need to cool it for a minute and then get back to what helped foster this in the first place. I know that my reverting to some bad habits at the same time as she's having "body issues" is not particularly good timing.
I have no doubt things will be good, I just have to make sure I am keeping up my end of the bargain. I need to start working out again (stopped awhile ago), keep my confidence up, BE HAPPY and re-learn how to let the little things go.
Oh, all that and keep putting OT's constant refrain of BE DIRECT into practice. That one bit of advice is almost worth most other's put together.
Ok...and taking your advice... This happened about 2 hours ago...
M: I am going to go out for a bit. I need to get some ink for my printer and I am also going to go by the "other store" and pick something up (the place we have gotten some toys before). W: (with a smile) I don't think you'll be getting any action tonight. M: I think you're wrong. W: No, I got my period today. M: So what... W: Ok...(bigger smile, obviously surprised) M: (direct quote from SS) No worries, I'll just go out and get some red towels... W: (Giggling now...good sign) You just don't quit do you? M: Not when "that's" the subject. I can't help what you do to me.
She smiled a bit more and went back to what she was doing. I did indeed go shopping and when I returned...
W: Did you go to the "store"? M: Yep. No pressure, just wanted to be ready. W: Well, it won't be tonight probably, but tomorrow night...
Thanks ladies. Never knew she would be into that. I knew she was the couple times we did it but I think she probably felt self conscious. I guess like the rest of her "transformation" so far, this bit just needed a little help. We'll see what happens from here.
All I can say is Cool!! How fantastic that you have this place to vent your frustrations and get truly wonderful advice. Red towels, huh? Me thinks this sounds like a very good idea.
OT is one smart lady. She definitely has her act together, so much so that I am beginning to wonder what she does for a living.
If you have been over on my thread she mentioned purchasing an eroscillator. Definitely looks like it is worth the investment.
YOU ARE ABSOLUTLEY HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!! AND YES I WANT ONE FOR CHRISTMAS TOO OR MY BIRTHDAY AFTER ALL IT IS THREE DAYS AFTER CHRISTMAS SO IT COULD BE A BIRTHDAY / CHRISTMAS GIFT. GOD BLESS...
okay, I guess either I'm just niave or really blonde, but what the heck is an eroscillator?
Grasshopper, I only read this last page, so I'm not sure what everyone else has been saying, but here's my two cents.
Even though I'm totally not into ML during my period, partly religious reasons, and partly just because but it sounds like it isn't a real problem for her.
In my opinion, being a woman, depending on your W, and how her periods are, she could have really bad cramps, bloating, all that stuff and have no desire to have you "bangin" her! haha. Especially on the first day or two when it is worse, so I can see why she didn't want to today, or yesterday whenever it was.
Also, Every week before a woman has her period, we become very emotional, or angry, or bi-polar, or whatever during this pms time, which I know you've heard so much about! For me, I get depressed and emotional, and little things my H will say will want to make me cry. So, if you say she's started this self conscious thing this last week, then it would totally make sense.
It might be a good idea to have her periods marked on a calendar of yours or something so you don't get freaked out thinking your totally messing up, when it's just her having a rush of hormones. I wish my H would do that, but he can't even stand me saying the word "period"! It grosses him out. oh well.
Another thing that might help her with the body problem is maybe inviting her to work out with you? or start playing racketball or something, or taking walks at night.
okay. hope I didn't repeat anyone elses advice!! I don't get on the computer too often, and everyone on here just writes so much that I can't keep up! I don't know how you all do it all the while helping everyone else!
-not to hi-jack the thread, but OT and GrassH, do you think you might check out stillhangin's thread. He's got some ideas for his W for xmas and I really don't know if it would be good or not. I'm pretty much the only one posting on his thread right now. Thanks a bunch!
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
