Quote: P.S. The "what" of what is triggering these less than desirable patterns of behavior on your part is very important. My guess is that you are acting out anger toward your W somewhat passive/aggressively, anger that you don't even want to face.
Yes. You are right. I need to get to the source of this.
Quote: For instance, didn't you say she was in contact with OM again? Did you ever even acknowledge to yourself how angry that made you? Have you done anything to address it? Has anything happened in your M toward making progress that it won't happen again?
Yes, I did say that had happened but according to her, it was a message he left, not a conversation they had. I believed her, and there doesn't seem to be any evidence that there is ongoing communication. I could usually tell when that was going on.
As for expressing my anger about that, I think I did that pretty directly and clearly when she told me about it. As for what's been done to stop it from happening, well, she finally blocked him from calling her cell phone so I THINK that will take care of it unless she's lying about everything.
As far as him harassing her, she's said for a long time now that that's what he's doing. She said he's obsessed, or at least WAS obsessed. Personally, I think he THINKS he has something on her, like the sorrid details of their affair, etc.
Anyway, IF that is the root of all this, then I have farther to go than I thought. I don't think it is. I think it's much more related to my expectations about what we are going to do on the weekends, when I get home from work, etc.
See, we've been planning and getting ready for our Christmas party for the past week or two (strange, kinda the same time I have acted like a jerk) and time has been short for fun. I like fun. I tend to act like an a$$ when I think I am going to get to have fun with the boys/W and it doesn't work out. I take it out on them and that's not fair.
I need to grow up and understand that sometimes other things take priority. I knew that when I was doing better with DBing/seeing the C all the time. Now I think I got it all under control...and I'm wrong. Simple as that.
Quote: For instance, if you are a crab with the kids, she can simply say: "Honey, you are being a crab with the kids, please take it out on something else someplace else. Maybe we can make progress on whatever it is that has crawled up your butt a bit later."
This is exactly what I asked her to do. She said she'd try.
Quote: Again, it takes two to tango. As long as she keeps inviting you to dance, or you both kind of start swaying to the music without thinking, you are bound to slip up sometimes. Not an excuse, just a fact of imperfect human beings. Sure, it is something to work on, but being perfect would make life pretty empty, I think.
