Yes, the second honeymoon is indeed over SS. Great way to put it, and it IS the way it feels.
Quote: Anyway, you're wrong about not having changed. In the past would your W have directly called you on it? Or would you have calmly listened to what she had to say?
Yes and no. She waited about as long to tell me directly about this issue as she would have in the past. The difference is that I didn't get AS defensive as I used to right away and then I actually calmed myself down with minimal defense after that.
So you're right, I have changed, which I knew I had but...
Quote: You have every right to be unhappy and moody sometimes. Just don't let it dominate your life. You and your W have to learn to accept that occasionally we all just have an off day and are out and out grumps.
It's NOT an exaggeration to say that I have been grumpy for weeks now and it has been especially bad on the weekends, the trigger for W in the past.
I agree, we both have to accept each other's off days but we don't have to accept a persistant mood, which I have been in for awhile now. I need to get to the root of that.
I don't think it has anything to do with the affair or any of that. I don't really know what it is. Well, that's not true, I DO know what it is and that's that I have started to live my life based on expectations again, something I have not done for months now.
I guess I thought it was "safe" to expect again. I guess I don't even read my own advice. Expectations have NO place in a marriage, or a family...at least the kind I build up. Sure, you can expect a certain type of good behavior from the kids and a certain level of respect/kindness/etc from your spouse but beyond that, expecting that they do very specific things, act very specific ways and in general, conform to your way of thinking, sets you up for disaster.
It lead to a LOT of the issues in my marriage and I am heading right back there again if I can't get a handle on this.
I am past beating myself up. I know what I need to do and I am going to do it. No trying about it. I am just going to quietly, confidently, address my issues. If I have to go back to my C, I will. If I have to re-read my anger books, I will. I will do what it takes. That I promise myself, and you all...and silently, my W and kids.
Sure, my W has a role in this. She has her moods, etc, but I am going to worry about me, addrss my stuff and see what happens.
I can do that for sure.
Thank you SS. Day by day, minute by minute, I WILL do this...again...sigh.
