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[NikB]

Sadkimby - if you are truly going to break it off, no, I wouldn't tell H about it. If he asks don't lie, but I don't see any reason to bring it up. I'd be curious what others think though. If he asks why you cut off contact w/the friend or stopped pressuring him to be friends with the guy, I'd be ready with an answer though. Again don't lie but don't provide TOO much detail as it will only hurt him. Maybe just say you were afraid your friendship wasn't healthy for the marriage or you thought you were spending too much time with him and realized you'd rather spend it with your H - something like that.

If you're bored you can read through my threads (linked in my signature). I was/am in a somewhat similar situation but on the opposite side of it (my H's "friend" was getting way too close emotionally although not physically). Onceuponatime had a similar situation too. In my case the friendship was only a year or so old so it wasn't quite the same, but it still might give you some insights as to what it's like on the other side.

I think THE single most hurtful thing my H did besides letting himself get too close to her, was trying to get me to be friends with her. He'd tell me all her great qualities and all I could see was a threat and I felt like I had to compete with her. I tried to like her, I really did, and I felt like a horrible person for not being able to like her. I even felt like a bad wife for not understanding H's friendship with her or being able to support it. It took a long time for me to get a better understanding of what was going on. But I just couldn't stand being around them, seeing the "spark" between them. Whether you think he can or not, your H can probably see it. My H and even his friend would ask me what, specifically they did that was "wrong" and I couldn't even put my finger on it. I mean there were certain blatant things, but most of it was just nothing you could really identify. It was the way they both acted around each other even when you could see them trying NOT to act close.

Hope that this helps some. If you want to save your marriage you are definitely doing the right thing. After reading so many stories here, I am starting to think that the second you have the smallest doubt about the appropriateness of an opposite sex friendship, it's time to cut it off if you really want a healthy marriage. Just my two cents...