I wonder, would your cousin come to this bb and ask some ??s b/c she might get a good earful....
I am reading the Five Love Languages and he discusses the difference between real love, and the "affairs" type of "love". It's well written. I once came close to an A about 15 years ago and looking back, I recall actually thinking I 'loved" the OM....God intervened and the OM got a transfer and I saw a chaplain, etc so no adultery, thank God. BUT THE POINT REMAINS, I thought I loved the guy, and I hardly knew him!! We had chemistry....a lot of it and H was an intern and was Always working, and if he actually came home, he'd fall asleep within half an hour, no lie.....When he was "awake and alert" he was irritable and this went on for some time....THe OM paid a lot of attention to me at that exact time, and what the heck, plus we had 2 kids. My kids and the thought of explaining my leaving their dad, or H crying, stopped me in my tracks a few times also. I am so grateful it didn't go farther, but I am far less judgemental than before. AND YET, I feel as if I was a bit crazy.
The whole obsessiveness of it, I am embarrassed really. Your cousin is going thru that and unless her M sucked and has for awhile, she is making a huge mistake wanting out...and even if getting out of her M is smart b/c it sucks, she is picking a real "winner" given your description and his history......
Speak up Girl. You were at her wedding promising to support the M, right? Show her the real road she is on....another book is "Cut Loose" and describes what divorce is usually like for women. Financial suicide, and the other disadvantages....OR she can read "The Legacy of Divorce" and see how damaged her kids will be and her grandchildren, etc. b/c of her escaping behavior. She needs to do some real thinking, reading and I suggest a Pro-M counselor or minister. It helped me, and so did the books, and a lot of luck. I'm grateful. good luck to her, btw--does she have faith in God? That's be helpful. Keep fighting the good fight. j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
